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Get a clue: a poem about dying love            

By: Joy Lopez McGraner ROUGH DRAFT 4 
Does she love you right like me? Is she gonna give you peace and harmony? Because I yearn, I search my mind for the glance of your hands, your feet, your skin, and your eyes. When I look you in the eyes, I finally realize.. that I’ve been going crazy. It’s like, dejavu. Thinkin, “Why me? Why you?” I’ve been here before, once or twice. Maybe more, but, I’ve seen this before. I zone and forget. It’s bittersweet.  One slice of heaven. Even though the situation plays games with my mind, recovery must find. Chasing blue-skies, big game, and all in its prime. Here it is. There is a time. Tis the season to have a holiday to remember. Dejavu. I’ve seen this. In you. You come back. You stay. Why we keep on going this way! Before it burns out and the moment is gone. Just enough to keep going, this song. Unfair and what is all wrong. Stop falling. Deep within. More than before. Won’t let go as long as you keep me wanting more. Why don’t you show how you love? The way that you have and the way that you can - Oh, the story plays a trick, makes a trick, and takes a stab at the heart.

It’s true: We really did wreck what was left of this part. Fooled me, three times.. More… and any safety net? You tore. It cuts like a knife and bleeds the question: Does she love you with the pain that I do? All while I hold on to every single goodbye. It keeps beating - and you still choose to lie. Asking, does she know what you gave and what you took from me too? Knowing all that to imaging what is not true. To imagining you. Gone. Not mine. Mustn’t rewind. Still, I don’t wanna know you want someone else. Cannot be mad, right? Forget what we had. Nothing was had. Just some good times, the moment, the fad! Hope for somethin better. (Got me writtin this letter) Open it up. Take a look… here, see? In the light. Don’t feel so right. Get to the core! Not wanting more. That broken piece, once whole. Man, how the world has power to break your every dream, somethin painful. Gotta get out of this and take it all away - what you left here. Got me turned out for feelin so clear. Hung up cuz you pulled me close and called me, “dear”. When you tell me you love me that is all that I hear.

Then, I think, “Will I ever have the dignity?” This pain will never disappear? Sittin here making myself sick, over you! Connect; Adhere. Accepting, rejecting, facing, and pacing. Get living. Get dying. Mostly sitting there, facing. Erasing the guessing and simply suggesting less moments of rejecting. Please, God! Don’t you see? This mastery. Fools rush but having loved like this.. felt so right. Should we fix what we would want anyway and make it all.. alright? You and me? Outside and in here? Not a chance and not a tear. No way out there and deep inside too.. yeah definitely not when I don’t get to be with you. Where two act as one and we think we have won. Fast forward: separation is incomplete. Holding back, it shreds to pieces. Incomplete? Must deplete. You love me and you love me not, lover. Friend, we love us and we love us not. Take, gather, and face it all! Enchanting and passionate: a howl filled full of no call. This is what I learn, you see? That love is pain and love is painful.. and cruel.. and mean. Somethin that cannot be fixed, recovered, or made anew.

Had that opportunity. We blew it. Who knew? It lingers and is missed. Messed up, we get it, the gist. Gone, just a memory… … … How did it get this way? Begging dead memories soon fade to gray. You must know that I didn’t choose this to be so how could you get me to fall for you, feel, and see? How could you get me to bow down, in the name of, “we”? To let be and to let up. Throw up and away. Finally, haven’t got much left to say. Only, goodbye to the red: the deep, the darkness.. the no light in my sight. Is it so funny? Thought I had reached such a greater and grand height! Stay grounded; no flight. Just this overly active new sight to delight. Burns so bright like a bouquet of flowers. As they die, this dies too: this bein so blue, so blue over you. Cheers to this. Finally got a clue. Now, we close it and make sure we put it away. Restrained, where it’ll lay. Silently and reverently. Captive at bay.

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